Thursday, December 24, 2009

I have written the worst fic ever. EVER.

Here is a preview of my new one-shot. It's a contest entry. I'm very, very proud of this one-shot. I really think I have a crack at winning.

Have I mentioned it's a contest for the crappiest fic ever? :) Yes, this is a preview of my entry for the The Most Shitteous Craptastic Cuddlecock Crack Contest!

I Messed My Panties

“Noooo!!! Why, Bella, why?!!??!!” Edward screamed, his voice braking, tormented anguish coloring every vowel, his deep emotional soul ripping through the air in gasping breaths. He clutched at his hair, pulling out chunks, throwing them to the floor. “I have no sole, Bella, don’t you get it? No sooooooul. I am evil, and when you were human I wanted to eat you! EAT YOU!”

“Edward?” Bella’s girlish voice chimed in as she watched her husband writhe on the floor. Her eyes had that glazed over look they almost always had when Edward played with his hair. It meant she was horny for him. Her legs were crossed, and she squirmed in her seat as she watched him writhe.

“Edward?” she chirped. “But I like it when you eat me.”

Edward gasped, throwing his arms over his head, wailing, then ript his shirt from his body.

“This is the skin of a KILLER, Bella! Can’t you see that?!??!??!!!”

Bella continued to writhe on the couch, her breasts thrust out as she watched Edward, now half-naked, clutching at his chest hair, pulling it out also. Her breath came in gasps, speeding up as he writhed.

“Touch your hair, Edward, touch it!” She cried out.

He grabbed a handful of his hair, screaming, “I don’t DESERVE hair!!!!” as he ripped it from his head. In that moment Bella let out a moan, her eyes closed tight. Suddenly her eyes opened and she looked at Edward, her hand covering her mouth.

“Ooops. I messed my panties.”

“See?!??! I DID that to you. I don’t DESERVE you. I don’t deserve anything good. I’m an evil person. I’m not even a PERSON! I’m just all BAD STUFF!!”

(Yes, all mistakes are not only intentional, but required.)

By the way, have you read Geek Love Chapter 21? It's up, and you should really get on that. :)


  1. Wow. That's all I can say. Wow. I love the intentional mistakes. LOL!