Thursday, December 31, 2009

Rock the vote!

OK folks, as most of you are aware, I actually wrote an entry for the The Worst Story Ever Contest (a.k.a The Most Shitteous Craptastic Cuddlecock Crack Contest). It's called "I Messed My Panties".

Yup...I think I've pretty much mastered the "utter shit" style of writing.

In honor of the voting beginning, I've composed a little side-piece to my entry. Please remember all mistakes are intentional, as is the God-awful style, horrendous dialogue, and complete absence of plot (or sense).
"I don't DESERVE to vote!!!!!" Edward whaled, ripping his hare out in ginormously large chunks, throwing them to the ground as his eyes raged wildly.

"Edward," Bella's little girl voice popped up like a dozen pixies beating there wings in the twilight air.  "Edward, I think I just messed my panties."

"WHY Bella???!! WHY?"  Edward screamed.  "I don't deserve for you to mess your panties!!"

"You said vote.  That's theonly thing sexier than your hair.  Ooops! I just messed them again when I said vote."

"I'll vote for you Bella," Emmett hissed from the corner, strocking his huge sparkling dong as his breath heaved and his mouth watered for her aching swollen love tunnel.

"I'm not entering the contest, Emmett!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Bella shouted,.

"Who is?" Jasper asked, but his voice was muffled by the sound of the banjo in his mouth.

"Some fucktarded woman named SassenachWench.  She wrote some fuckawful story about a retarded vampire family with a dog."

"I don't deserve a fucktarded woman named SassenachWench!!!!!!!!"  Edward screamed, puling out more hair from his head, which stood on end like a room full of monkeys just humped it and left it to dry while he slept on it.

"So, I have to vote for this hot, hot, love goddess then?"  Edward asked.

"No.  Just go vote for someone.  Like maybe her, or maybe the one written in LOLCats, or maybe the one about the badunk-a-dunk."  Said Bella.

"I don't DESERVE a badunk-a-dunk!!!!" Edward screamed.

"I'll eat your badunk-a-dunk with some fava beans and a nice chianti" hissed Emmett.

Just then, suddenly, as quickly as if something very fast happened -- like a cheetah, or a fish -- Jasper walked into the room carrying Lacob. Lacob was wearing a tiara and a veil.

"We're married!" he eclaired.

"Married??!!??!!??!!" Bella yelled. "But what about Alice?"

"Oh, she ran off with Esme. I realized then that she was right, we weren't good for each other. I fell for Lacob, and we're gonna have little vampug babies."
Yeah, I'm gonna leave it there. I can't torture you (or myself) any further.

I'm not asking you to vote for me, but if you have time, please vote for someone.  Get out there and rock the vote! (And really, it would be fuckawesome if you voted for me!)

To vote, all you have to do is send an email/PM to the contest profile with your selection.

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